by Jayne Ozanne, Director of the Ozanne Foundation and Editor of ViaMedia.News

I grew up in a church culture that taught me that we are in a constant spiritual battle, that the devil is in the process of massing his forces against us Christians, and that we will soon, very soon, be in the “End Times” as described in the Book of Revelation and Daniel (if we aren’t already).
Whilst it’s true that different churches gave different emphasises to different parts of this narrative, one thing was always clear – it was drummed into me that there are the “good” people and then there are the “others”, those who were working against God’s purposes, that is – “the bad people”.
As time went on, and as I encountered more heartache and strive in my life, I learnt to embrace the narrative that the difficulties I was facing were due to the devil trying to “knock me off my path”. I was told that all I needed to do was to stand firm, hold fast, and not let myself be blown off course. You see, Jesus had won, He had “done it all for me at the Cross” – I just needed to faithfully believe this, and trust that it would “all come right in the end” for “all things work together for good”.
So my faith strengthened, despite these obstacles, and I learnt to see beyond the immediate difficulties I was facing and believe that there was always a “bigger picture”, in which a great cosmic battle was being fought between good and evil.
The problem is that this thinking brought me to a point – where millions of other Christians are today – of believing that the evil I faced in the world was down to “the bad people”, “the others”, those that are not living according to what I perceive to be “God’s way”. I was taught there were numerous bible verses to back this up, including much of the Old Testament and books like Jude.
So, the narrative morphed into believing that we are a Christian remnant, battling to stand for God’s truth in an evil world where those who “lived according to the world” are always to blame. I attended large prayer rallies claiming the verse “when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against them” (Isaiah 59:19 – which isn’t in everyone’s translations, proof (I was assured) of how important this verse is!).
In other words, “we” are chosen and special, and by default “they” are not. “They” are evil doers, those who go against God’s purposes. To begin with, I saw this group as being quite small – those who are “obviously evil”, like murderers, rapists and Nazis. It then grew overtime (fuelled by the many sermons I devoutly imbibed) to include those from other religions (the “pagans”), oh and yes, those who lived “immoral and ungodly” lives – like gay people.
It was a subtle transition – I wasn’t really aware that I was on such a pathway. I was surrounded by friends and fellow Christians who all believed the same thing. The large Christian conferences I went to all preached the same message. They would constantly call out “dead religion”, those who were in love with the shackles of their faith (for instance, wearing robes and using incense), rather than those who “had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ”. It then began to make all perfect sense – the “abomination of desolation”, which Jesus had talked about (Mark 13:14) and which Daniel had written about was obviously those who belonged to this “false religion”. Those who think they are Christian, but in fact aren’t “true Christians” – not like those of us who are real Christians (and who manifest the charismatic gifts, especially speaking in tongues).
So now the “others” weren’t just those “of the world”, they were those “in the Church” who think they are Christian but actually really aren’t. I began to see that they were “the real problem”, which Jesus had warned us all about.
Of course, we shouldn’t tell “them”. For “they” wouldn’t understand – the devil had blinded them. We just needed to “stand firm” and “hold the line”, knowing that God would hold them accountable on the day of Judgement for preaching such a false Gospel.
The trouble is, this approach squeezed every last ounce of compassion for “them” out of me. Yes, of course I was worried about “the lost” – but they were those who were sick or needy, not those who were “the problem”. No, they were people I needed to stand up to and pray against, for they were thwarting the very purposes of God.
And so my heart hardened towards them. Which was OK, because I knew I was right and that all that they said or did to try and dissuade me of this fact was really the devil in disguise.
Which is ultimately why “crossing the Rubicon” and coming out for me was so very very difficult.
You see, I became “one of them”. I went “to the dark side”. And so many of my past Church friends have never ever forgiven me for that. I am an agent of the devil now.
But the thing is, the wonderful truth I myself witnessed, is that Christ “crossed over” with me. When I got to the other side, I found Christians who loved Jesus just as much as I did, they just manifested this in rather different ways. I needed to learn that what I had been taught to believe were trappings of “false religion” are just people expressing their love for God in ways that resonate with them. There are of course many paths up a mountain.
I learnt not to judge “them”, and slowly moved from seeing a world with “us” and “them” to one just with “we”. I learnt compassion for those who I had “othered” and embraced a Gospel that had no “outsiders”, no limits, no one beyond God’s unconditional love.
That said, I began to see that my new fellow Christians do in fact have people they “other” too. People they perceive as working against God’s purposes and causing misery and pain to some of our most marginalised in society. These “others” are those who appear so wedded to the “law of God” that it has stopped them understanding the unconditional “love of God”. These then are “the real problem”, indeed many see them “as the abomination of desolation” that Jesus had talked about.
The ironic thing is that both sides – who both believe the other to be the devil – are being told they need to embrace and accept each other in our wonderfully broad Church of England.
Neither side can.
And that’s what is really going on these elections for General Synod right now. There is a “battle” for the soul of the Church between two “sides”, where each think the other is doing the devil’s work.
Thankfully only God knows what will happen.
One thing is absolutely clear, though, and that is that Love Always Wins!






