by Jeremy Marks, Founder of Post-Courage and Winner of the Colin Blakely Lifetime Achievement Award
“In the silence of the heart God speaks. If you face God in prayer and silence, God will speak to you. Then you will know that you are nothing. It is only when you realise your nothingness, your emptiness, that God can fill you with Himself. Souls of prayer are souls of great silence.” Mother Teresa (vaticansite.com)
One of the most controversial aspects of the proposed Ban “Conversion Therapy” legislation concerns the notion of “banning prayer”. To some people it can feel like the beginnings of persecution for Christians! But is it?
As an evangelical Christian (in the sense that I believe knowing Jesus, studying his teaching and living according to his words is Good News) I am ALL for prayer! If only sincere prayer from the heart played a bigger part in all of our lives. . . !
However, I have learned through nearly 50 years of life as a Christian (30+ in full time ministry) that prayer is much more about listening than speaking… learning to listen to God above all and being willing to learn.
I love the story of Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s reply to a journalist, years ago, when he asked her how she prays?
“I listen” replied Mother Teresa.
“Oh?” replied the journalist, clearly interested. “And what does God say to you?”
“He listens too” she replied.
This made me laugh. Because I have to say that this is exactly how I find prayer to be. Long ago I came to realise the foolishness, the short-sightedness, of bringing a list of prayer requests to God, to ask for needs to be met. . . that God understands far better than I do anyway! I began to change my prayers to something more like, “So what do YOU think I/we/they need Lord?”
I also discovered in this process what a wonderful sense of humour God has. Like the day when I observed in my prayers (a little self-indulgently) “Lord sometimes I wonder if I have any true friends who really care about me? Nobody ever seems to ring or contact me unless they are in trouble or need something!” Quick as a flash I “heard” God reply, “Whatever makes you think you are so special? Nobody ever turns to me unless they want something, or they are in trouble – and I am GOD”. I must admit I burst out laughing, and then sheepishly replied, “I see what you mean. I cannot complain, can I?”
So it follows that when praying for others, I realised that listening to them and coming to a place of deep empathy comes first, comes second, and comes last! As someone once observed, “God gave us two ears and one mouth, so let us use our ears and mouth in those proportions!” Learning to walk alongside those who feel lonely, marginalised, and misunderstood (as Jesus did) is what prayer is all about. But never starting with assumptions as to what a person needs or wants, then boldly launching into ardent prayer, which can do far more harm than good! To be sure, it certainly has its effect, but often in totally the wrong way!
Humility is the foundation stone for all prayer, I have found.
Regrettably there are some evangelical Christians who believe that a few Bible texts can be applied to everyone, in a superficial one-size-fits all way. I can accept that when it comes to a verse such as “All have sinned and fall short of the grace of God”. (Romans 3:23) But they don’t seem to believe that it is necessary to learn about the complex issues of human sexuality, before they just sally forth and pray triumphantly that God will “deliver”, say a gay person, from their same-sex desires and make them heterosexual. Such people can be among the worst culprits for arming their prayers with a cocktail of prejudices and undisguised agendas that demand change, then push those assumptions into a vulnerable person’s life, like a lethal injection, causing incalculable damage. Consistently I have seen this to be the most pernicious and toxic form of prayer imaginable.
The better way, I have found, is to pray for wisdom as to how to help and comfort somebody. More and more I discover that when I do so, and then trust in the Holy Spirit to guide me as I make a response, I am amazed at what comes out of my mouth. So are the people who listen to my response, who often go on their way rejoicing. It really is such a privilege to listen and pray for God’s wisdom to be revealed.
When Jesus taught about prayer it’s fundamental premise was about changing the person praying NOT about trying to change another person, the one you are praying for, however well-intentioned! Just consider the Lord’s prayer for starters. It is impossible to pray that in a “me-centred” way. The Lord’s prayer is only about me in the context of my relationship with God – as Father God, as provider of all my needs, as protector and guide, as minister of forgiveness, grace and empowerment.
So, I’m all for prayer when it is informed and appropriate, coming from a place of empathy. But there’s nothing that undermines the quality of prayer more than crass assumptions that say more about the pray-er’s ignorance and prejudices than about the person seeking support. If “banning prayer to change people’s sexuality” results in persecution of those kinds of Christians, then I can see that there is good reason for it! The law is given to protect people from abuse and harm.
Just in case there are any readers who feel that I have just invalidated their prayer life with dismissive comments, may I just share something else about my own prayer life that I hope might restore the balance.
Many years ago, I got stuck in my prayer life. With my heart full of huge concerns for other people’s dire needs and seemingly intractable situations, I not only felt overwhelmed but also frustrated! I couldn’t see how a good God needed any input from me at all when God can perfectly well what heartbreak there is and what needs to happen. Gradually I realised that God has put us on this earth to be His/Her/Their eyes, ears, and arms to reach out, and feet to take us to help others in God’s name. And that this sense of partnership with God is what the Christian life is all about.
One busy day, burdened with huge concerns for myself as well as others, I sat down for a few moments and wrote down everything I could think of there and then, that I would have prayed about if I’d had the time and faith to do so. Then added “God’s To-Do List!” at the top. Then I got on with my day. That piece of paper quickly became buried in my paperwork pile and re-surfaced when I was looking for something else about 6 weeks later. I stopped for a moment to glance through the list and was astounded to see that almost everything on that list had been resolved in one way or another and that in most cases I had completely forgotten that I had listed them. Moreover, the resolutions had come in all kinds of ways, most of which I would never have thought of. So, I concluded that sharing our hearts and concerns with God is valid and important. Then we can leave these things with God and one way or another resolution comes. Because when we are motivated by love our prayers can indeed be very powerful in all the best ways… and they won’t get us into trouble with the law either. It is not the sort of prayer that can be banned!
“I used to pray that God would feed the hungry, or do this or that, but now I pray that he will guide me to do whatever I’m supposed to do, what I can do. I used to pray for answers, but now I’m praying for strength. I used to believe that prayer changes things, but now I know that prayer changes us and we change things.” – Mother Teresa
Any thoughts?